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If it's 'hot' it's here....

Tuesday, 6th July Maltshovel twinned with Greek hostelry....
Towns and villages do it, so too can pubs. In honour of Jock and Debbie Melvin's visit from Cyprus, Steve has decided that the Malt Shovel should be twinned with their favoured watering place which is:
The Oasis Bar
Dekhalia Road
Larnaca
Cyprus

This is the joint - and very nice it looks, too!

Wednesday, 30th June - V2 of 'The Drinkometer' ....
Mitch advises that Version 2 of the popular Drinkometer game is now available to play on this link

Sunday, 13th June - Malty Madness....
Some decent weather is resulting in some strange behaviour....

Phil's birthday bask on Saturday, 12th June
(Click for a larger picture)

The two Simons test their latest gadget

Andy with a new line in hats

Friday, 28th May - Malty Magic Music....
Last night there was a good crowd in to enjoy the wonderful music of local folk singer, Steve Winchester. Here is Steve in action....

Saturday, 8th May - It's National Mild Day...!
MS locals had their numbers boosted by about 25 members of the North Sussex Branch of CAMRA who descended on us to help celebrate National Mild Day. One visitor travelled all the way down from Rugby for the bash, so a warm welcome back to our friend Tim Dawe!

Tim Dawe adopts a familiar pose

The mystery guest speaker proved to be John Norman from the Kingston and Leatherhead Branch. John also sits on CAMRA's Dark Beers Group, so who better to give us a talk on dark beers?

But of course the whole point of the exercise was to eat and drink. Steve provided an excellent buffet lunch which was much enjoyed by all. To wash down our lunch there were no less than five examples of what is fast becoming an endangered species of beer. Sarah Hughes Dark Ruby Mild, Gales Festival, Black Cat, Brains Dark Mild and Harveys Buds of May provided an ample and delicious choice.

John Norman on the pulling power of dark beer -
- Tim Dawe says that it always works for him!

Friday, 7th May - Fancy being a Porn Star? You'll need a name...!
Mitch has found this silly little gem. He writes: "Apparently I am Brett Holder (?????) or Storm Hammer (Sounds better) and if I put it in lower case I get King Pike (WOO HOO) or Brad Reeves (???) Somehow I don't think I will get many staring roles with those titles. Sue had Daisy Lipps or Aria Storm and Lexas Kleevage or Cherri Juggs. Good grief !
Visit My Porn Name

Saturday, 1st May 04 - Gullick Cup (evening) CricketCompetion...!
This year Steve has decided to enter a Malt Shovel team in this competetion. Availability sheets will be up in the bar. Team Secretary is John Barnett of BBHCC. So, all you cricketers out there, get your names down! The fixtures list is on the Sponsors Page.

Thursday, 29th April 04 - National Mild Day is coming...!
On Saturday 8th May The North Sussex Branch of Camera will be celebrating National Mild Day, where else, but at the MS. The Festival of Mild Beers will include: Sarah Hughes, Batemans Dark Mild and Gales Festival Mild. There will be a mystery guest speaker at 12 noon and a Prize Draw. Proceeds to Hurstwood Park. AND ALSO A FREE BUFFET.

Wednesday, 24th March 04 - MS Japaneze Klassez!
Professor Howard Burns of The Malt Shovel's Adult Education Centre is pleased to announce our latest distance learning course: It takes 3mins to download. Use your left and right arrow keys (< >) to view each slide...
We present 'Japanese for the Wise Traveller'

Monday, 1st March 04 - Review a beer...!
To complement the beer fetival, we would like to give our customers the opportunity to review a beer.
To review a beer, just click here!

Monday, 1st March 04 - Malt Shovel Beer fest 2004....
This must do event in the Horsham Cultural Calendar kicks off on Thursday evening, 4th March with 15 real ales available. Just how Steve plans to do this escapes the rest of us, but it'll certainly be worth watching the bar staff rushing hither and thither with pints in their hands.

Get your 'beer passport' from behind the bar. All festival beers are numbered. Ask the bar staff to check them off on your passport. Rumour has it that this year's must have fashion item will be a lambs wool sweater.

Thursday, 12th February 04 - Six Nations Rugby Fun....
Thanks to Mitch who suggests that you visit the Zurich Ruby web site and pit your wits against fellow officiandos. Predict the final score, number of tries, penaltys and points difference between the teams. Visit the Zurich site - this must be done!

Wednesday, 4th February 04 - Do you really want a Ferrari...?
Some of you may have seen this, but web man hadn't....
An object lesson in not getting distracted whilst posing

Tuesday, 20th January 2004 - Bar Staff Required....
Our excellent bokky bar staff, Ross, Alistair and Aussie David are all leaving us. Ross has a top job in Paris, Alsitair is set to continue on his travels and David returns home to Oz. Their departure creates an exciting opportunity for quality bar staff in the near future. Please ring Steve for details or pop in to the MS to see him for details.

Monday, 19th January 2004 - Malty Magic Music....

Martin Rapley Rocks

There was an excellent crowd in to enjoy the fantastic music of Martin Rapley. Steve would like to say a big "Thank You" to Martin whose music made this a night to remember! Steve has provisionally booked Martin again, the 19th March is the suggested date, but this is yet to be confirmed.
Here are a few pictures of Martin and you lot getting on down!

Monday, 12th January 2004 - Hot Goss about Ross....
Regulars at the MS will know that Ross, who is one half of our South African stereo tall people, dispappeared to Paris just before Christmas on a hush-hush, mysterious modelling assignment. This immediately prompted much tongue wagging and elbow nudging. Was it for the sort of publication you can leave open on the coffee table was the burning question to which we needed an answer!

We can now officially report that Ross has landed himself a top modelling job with Fashion House Kenzo. Kenzo obviously knows talent when he sees it, but Steve wants to make it plain that he spotted Ross's talent first, and he's been strutting his stuff for Steve and his customers at a tiny fraction of the mega bucks that Kenzo's agreed to pay him.

We'll try and let you know when he's working, so you can have a drool before he moves to Paris. As one pretty young female customer remarked, "Maybe he can now afford to eat"!

Ross is A TOP MAN set to strut his stuff on the World Stage. Nice one, Mate! And can you please lend us a fiver?

Sunday, 11th January 2004 - MS Beer Fest - 4th March....
It's the time of year when Steve starts to plan the MS Beer Festival.
This year's festival begins on Thursday, 4th March. He plans to keep things the same format i.e. chaotic, with 120 beers from all around the Country - provided the brewer's name begins with the letters 'E', 'F' and 'G'.

This is the beer buff's golden opportunity to sample some wonderful brews that you are very unlikley to see in any other pub in our area.

Beer 'passport' cards will be available - just ask for yours at the bar. Each half pint that you sample will be crossed off your card. Sampling 80 beers will qualify you to receive a must have Malt Shovel fashion accessory.

More details in due course!

A provisional list of beers Steve hopes to feature is available here

(The beer list subject to change due to supply issues)

Wednesday, 7th January 2004....
Bored with our site? Then try reading it in Swedish Chef, Pig Latin, Jive or even Cockney dialect versions. Just click on the following link to and select a bizarre dialect.
(Sean, you are truly a Sad Man for having the time to find such stuff)!
Show me a Cockney version of the MS web site

Monday, 5th January 2004....
Steve wishes you all a very Happy New Year.
To kick things off in an appropriate way, here's an amusing snippet from Canada, courtesy of our very own Sean Etheridge....

Friday, 5th December - 'Heard at the bar'....
A group of customers at a table were having a fairwell drink to mark the departure of a team member who was moving away. In through the door came another two chaps to join them. The guy who was leaving got up to buy them a drink. "I'll have a Leffe Blonde", said the first, "I'll have one of those as well", said the second. The chap buying the beer said," Nope. I've never heard of that", and then to John our barman he said "My colleagues here are wanting a couple of 'iffy blondes', and seem to think that you can arrange them"....

Jenny is apparently unable to assist Steve by working next Tuesday evening on account of having a blocked agenda....

Welcome to Tony and Pat who popped in for a quick drink - and ended up staying 'till almost closing time. They were unable to leave as intended because Tony's brand new Rover 75 had a flat battery. A rescue company was called. As Tony settled down to another pint at the bar, poor Pat returned to their stricken vehicle to await the break down van. After 20 minutes she was back, and with a smug grin from ear to ear announced to the whole pub that she had managed to fix it. (Evidently, you can't start it whilst it's in reverse). Nice one Tony!

Tuesday, 2nd December - A complaint...!
Jock and Debbie dropped in to visit whilst over from France. Jock pointed out to WebMan that pilots and expats (or in Jock's case expat pilots had been left off the locals page. Sorted!

We welcomed Mel Pennel (Mel 'P') to the bar team and her first combat session. Steve pointed out the 'cogenital haemorrhoids', and showed her where the cellar mallet is kept. Mel is a martial arts expert.

Result! We are World Champions....
A huge crowd of you were present on Saturday to witness the most nail biting rugby match against the old enemy. After almost 100 minutes of play it was the man with the golden boot who slotted over the drop kick to secure victory. It was only then that the celebratons could really begin! And we even found an Australian sitting in the corner. Was he happy? He was not -especially after you sung him 'Sweet Chariot'.

'Allo 'allo - It's A Rugby Lookalike....
Have our customers noticed the uncanny resemblance between England's Manager, Clive Woodward, and Herr Flick, the infamous wartime Gestapo Commander? Are they by any chance related? I think we should be told!

Clive Woodward

Herr Flick

Download a lookalike poster to amuse your friends

	BBC Children In Need Appeal....
	We raised £175 on Friday night. Huge thanks to the enormous generosity of our patrons. Tomorrow we will raise a lot more at the Rugby! There is no escape from Pudsey! Fund raising continues 'til 6pm Saturday. Gotcha!!!

Dark Star Beers?
Steve is responding to Peter Bryers' email and we'll have a Dark Star beer (or two) in for you in the next couple of weeks....

Thursday, 23rd Oct
Are you a Homer Simpson or an Ozzie Osborne?
Greatful thanks to Shaun, Mitch and John for pointing out this truly revolting, (yet revealing!!!!!), on line drinkometer. Check it out at:
drinkometer
All credit goes to the team (i.e. mad dogs) at www.iondesign.net.

Sat, 18th Oct 2003.... Is this a Mary Poppins / Dick Van Dyke Thing?

IMPORTANT Your Maltshovel Beer Festival Umbrellas!
This season's 'must have' fashion accessory for the man / girl about town and aspiring Dandy Dinmont is now available to all of you who have given in your beer passport. Collect yours from Steve. Hurry as they're going fast....!

An exciting offer from The Peoples' Republic Of China!
Big Si and his mates from the 4WD Club will be intrigued to know that when it comes to strange vehicles they have some competition. It seems that we were specifically targeted rather than spammed with this email on account of the reference to the Horsham 4WD Club on our web site....

We are very grateful to Mr Weilin Wang for asking Steve if he'd be interested in representing his company in the U.K. This is one of the vehicles they make. Can you see Steve in this?

Is this a potential Horsham Park and Ride solution?

Anyone interested in this exciting business venture can contact Mr Wang at:

China Chongqing International Economy & Technology (Group) Co. Ltd China Chongqing YingGang motorcycle Factory Chongqing Changjiang I/E Co.Ltd Contact person: Mr. Weilin Wang (Director Manager) Address: 18F "ZhongXin Bank Mansion", Yanghe 3 Village, Jiangbei District, Chongqing, China Telephone: +86-23-67635008 £»+86-23-67635035 -(operate)- 8001; 8008 (office) Fax : +86-23-67635036; 67732102 Hand phone (Mobile): +86-13008328236 +86-23-67747005 (Home) E-mail; wlwang@cta.cq.cn

Now available at the bar - Parson's Perfect Pickles...!
Our friend Graham Parsons who used to have the Plough Pub over at Lower Beeding has retired and that gives him more time to devote to his beloved allotments. He has just produced a batch of pickled shallots that are infinitely superior to any pickle onion on the planet. Graham's own mix of spices give the shallots a fantastic flavour and no little kick - no doubt due to the chillies. For a mere £1.50 they are just the thing to go with a ploughmans. Get some in!

Malty Madness....
Shovellers are not the only people to be barking mad. We are grateful to our friend Shaun Etheridge for proof of this. Shaun sees some odd things as he travels the country on trains. He recently spied a fine example of an Irish Scarecrow near Erin....

If the crows in Erin are obviously able to read
have they bred any good rooks lately?

It's National Cask Beer Week....
Steve wishes to draw to the attention of everyone that 19th - 28th Sept just happens to be National Cask Beer Week. This is the 3rd year that the Independent Family Brewers of Britain (IFBB) have held this event.

Click on the beer mat to read more
~ It is always Cask Beer Week at the Malt Shovel ~

Tuesday, 23rd Sept - A Monday night to remember?
Steve wishes to especially thank his bar staff who fought off coach loads of people at the doors so that 5 of us could enjoy Dagenham & Redbridge v Exeter in peace and comfort on a wet Monday evening. We were consoled by the considerable charms of Miss Dorothy Goodbody....

The Charms of Ms X...

Ms X

A boring Monday was enlivened by an email from a Drag Queen (Ms X) who wanted to know if Steve would like to book her Act....

Steve said, "I have given careful consideration to this Wonder New Marketing Opportunity, Darlings, but I feel that we have more than our fair share of odd balls here already - on both sides of the bar, so I'm certainly not going to pay for another two"!

N.B.
Mr Williams is an equal opportunities employer.